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Behold.Her Series

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Muse & Sculptor @a11a.malova. I met this incredible human passing through Florence while visiting @martastaudinger. The weather wasn’t in my favor during my time there, but the day I was meant to fly home, the clouds decided to depart (as per usual). The evening before Alla flew in from England and I was mesmerized by her energy, unapologetic personality and playfulness. She had that “let’s do this” attitude that I wanted more in my own life. The least I was able to do was spend some time with her capturing her essence and energy in a small series of photos that afternoon.

Revisiting this portrait and incredible human @nafisehsoolari

“SMILE A LITTLE BIT,” exclaimed the old man early this morning to me, as he went along pushing a trash can up the street.
You know. This might not sit well with many, but, I don’t mind the commentary that men give when I’m walking around. Now, that doesn’t mean that I am welcoming creepy comments or I like someone following me, but I’m also not going to be anal if some stranger asks me to smile or if they say I’m killing my outfit (which, um, thank you for noticing! I try sometimes). I am in my head way too much these days that I forget how disgruntled I probably look on the outside. For the most part, a stranger doesn’t always get that magic Leah glow but it’s random folks cleaning the streets, homeless dudes chilling on a bench or folks opening up corner shops that always make me recenter. Not yoga, not meditation apps... random ass people who tell me to smile make me rethink my day. I always get this new bounce in my step, this new energy that makes me light up my own world because I am reminded that it doesn’t have to be shitty day. And it’s funny because the smile doesn’t initiate because I’m like “oh yeah duh, I need to smile.” Nah, the smile starts off as embarrassment as if I’m saying, “oh shit you just caught me trying to pretend I’m not passing you and acknowledging you as another human being. My b.” Then the next wave of thoughts go, “hell yeah I’m going to smile! Thanks for noticing me!” Humans are weird, quirky and sometimes a little intimidating, but damn, what a difference it makes when you go outside the norm and break the silence once in a while. It really can make a difference in someone’s day.
Cheers to the gentleman in Delaware this morning that made me reflect and smile a little bit 🤗 PS this is me pretending to enjoy how fucking cold I am in Colorado. I didn’t realize there would be snow in the mountains and shorts were a bad choice (anchorman voice).

I have been very fortunate to figure out early in life what my purpose is. Now in what form that purpose is meant to be performed, I’m still figuring out. For now, it’s dedicating my free time to developing my programming and curriculum for @_behold.her. So often D.C. is overlooked. We know that D.C.’s catch phrase is “what do you do.” A lot of us are trapped in this mentality that our worth is depicted by our career choice, current occupation or the amount of money we make; that what we have to offer to the world is based on our degree or lack there of. I hear too often about not “being good enough.” FUCK. THAT. But I resonate all too well. I have moments where I curl up in a little ball and question if people even see me, let alone hear me. I also know that my mind is a powerful thing and I have enough strength to switch it off, just as I have enough energy to turn it back on. Choice is a powerful thing. I chose to spend my year developing a conference solely focused on SELF-WORTH with four categories for workshops: self-love and body images; sex and consent; money and guilt; and community and relationships. It will be the FIRST in DC. Two days is not enough, but it’s what I have to start with. I have been crowdsourcing on @ifundwomen to campaign for monies needed to make this financially inclusive. We know that conferences are expensive and tend to attract one type of income. But self-worth is deserved by everyone and I’m determined to make this happen if it means selling the shoes off my feet. I’m committed to this cause, to building out this conference and to make sure that locals have access. I wish I could make this free, but the cost for a venue and catering is astronomical.

Can you help me today? I have four days left until our campaign time is over and we still need to raise another $8,000 to make an impact.

Head to the bio link at @_behold.her or head to http://www.ifundwomen.com/projects/behold-her
THANK YOU to all the people who have put in a pretty penny for this so far. Even if I haven’t messaged you yet, I will once it’s over and know that I see you and feel the love so much.

Can we talk about how much I love taking portraits for a hot second? I can’t do a flat lay to save my life, plus, I don’t give a shit about flat lays and how the social media world orgasms over an aerial coffee shot or curated, shuffled papers. Sure, it’s cute from time to time, but UGH the feels when it comes to direct eye contact and personality. Had the pleasure photographing @kaysodip with @emicfilms on a grand weekend in Knoxville. Kaysee is a kickass mountain biker and is the epitome of grit. She wasn’t the pop-out-of-the-womb with a helmet athlete, she made a decision in her early 20s that she was going to get dirty and take some names. It really proves that hard work, dedication and practice really can get you anywhere is you out your mind to it and stop making excuses. Thanks for that reminder Kaysee and I look forward to seeing you kick some more ass.

I promised myself this year that my word would be PLAY. I felt like even though I would smile or chuckle at jokes or a funny story, I didn’t feel that laughter in my belly. It was that polite hee hee hee that just got me through the conversation. I started to see how envious I would get watching people laugh and questioning why I couldn’t do it even if I thought it was hilarious too. After a few conversations based around childhood, I’ve recognized I’ve lost how to be creative or how to be imaginative. That has always been a big part of my life and I know how I think or feel is a choice so I chose to focus more deeply and repair my inner child. Have you felt like a characteristic that you had as a child slip through? When was that moment for you? Food for thought.

I’ve been teaching myself to eat slower. I am finally starting to taste my food again. I always had this mindset that I needed to eat as much food as I can before my mind was able to process it was full. Unhealthy approach? Eh, I just really fucking love food, but I realized I couldn’t really make meal time a journey because I wanted to take off and land immediately. This meal was so beautiful to me. It was difficult spending this time alone because I enjoy my husband sharing these moments with me, but I made the best of solitude even if I didn’t know how to embrace being alone at the time.

“An influencer without a business is a popular person who’s just really busy.” I heard that on a podcast this afternoon during my commute by @brendonburchard. I was skeptical listening in, but he posed a great question: what is required to be of service here and how do you grow into that? It made me realize how scattered I have been to find my why, my how, my what, my purpose (if I were to be so bold to write). I know my strengths, but constantly doubted my worth. I found excuses daily to not perform at my best. Excuses were my best friend. I’ve been reshaping my mentality the past few months and with that I’ve found new dedication and motivation. I’ve reignited old desires. I’ve been shy to cross promote the work I have been doing because I wasn’t sure of it’s relevancy, but our SELF-WORTH is constantly threatened and my life has always been dedicated to helping others discover their worth. It’s funny that it’s only been this past year that for many years, that has been my life theme. I blessed to feel a sense of freedom and to carry on with even more admiration for my path forward.

Come check out my most updated work on instagram